Happy New Years. It ain’t happening.
Wow. I took a giant break this past holiday season.
I continued to think about donating and at this point I have decided to stop my pursuit.
Here are some reasons why:
– It became all too clear that I was finding it hard to find the “right” couple/individual to donate to. Because both parties are supposed to remain anonymous i just, i couldn’t get to know anyone the way I wanted to. It’s all well and good to ask somebody if they are a homophobic hater but of course they’re going to say no. I
– I’m sick of getting judged. I know it’s inevitable throughout life to be judged but the Mormons from Montana really got me down. I mean, if I want to sell my egg to you why you gonna say no? i’m healthy and happy and hot. come ON!
– The jury is still out on the medical side of the process. When I donated in 2004 my ovaries and fallopian tubes were pierced with tiny needles. Has there been any lasting damage? I don’t know, because i have literally had no medical follow up after the procedure. One drug cocktail essentially placed my body in a post-menopausal state. How did my 22 year old body really react to those drugs? Are there lasting effects? Again, I don’t know and the more I think about the medical experience and the questions that I still have the more reticent I am to do it again.
– Really though? I still think of Alexander (my egg baby) he’d be eight this year. Does he look like me? Did he get any of my traits? my temper? my smile? my talent for eating copious amounts of Doritos? Will I ever know him? will he ever even know that i exist? These questions could make my head explode. I know that women donate over and over- for the money, for altruistic motives, to help friends and family…I guess I’m just not one of these women. I’m still way too confused.