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Mormons, Montana and Crystal Meth

November 25, 2011

So I got turned down. By the fucking mormons or whatever who live in beautiful, spacious, soul cleansing Montana. I was seriously looking forward to that trip to Victoria, it would have fallen right at the end of the summer, then I could have made my $10 grand, put half towards the show and then jetted off to Paris to spend the autumn picking up French people and eating baguettes. But NO! They just HAD to take issue with the fact that I drink and smoke. I mean come ON! It’s not like I’m injecting heroin into my system, I’m not doing rails off the back of truck stop toilets, nor have I ever used or would ever use crystal meth (apparently it’s a problem in rural Montana- apparently it’s a problem in rural anywhere…godammit Breaking Bad!) I drink sure, who doesn’t these days. Yes, maybe my entire social life revolves around going for beers but other than that I am the paragon of purity. I mean, I work out, I’ve been to Yoga twice in the past year and I definitely walk everywhere. Plus I have two degrees, speak three languages and am a member of mensa. Okay the mensa part is a lie but I did fill out some of their puzzles in a book once and I did pretty well with that. So anyway these Montana Mormons have deemed me sullied and therefore will not be flying me out to beautiful BC to retrieve fifteen to twenty of my zygotes. zygotes? Back to the drawing board. Eggs for sale! Anyone? Bueller?

One Comment leave one →
  1. Joanne permalink
    November 26, 2011 2:19 pm

    I’m glad it won’t be raised Mormon…You might want to look into their beliefs in detail..because I’m not sure how they’ve changed but they’re mostly strict right wing fundamental who follow all kinds of OT religion including corporal punishment. Some practice polygamy and they have LOTS of children is to provide “bodies” for pre-existing spirit children. My guess is they were probably gonna use all your eggs…maybe with different women. .So they don’t want any poison in there kids but no problem with poisoning minds?? Pretty sure until recently they believed only blonde blue eyed people (no blacks) have eternal life but I think they changed that to be more accepted by society.. I don’t know if any of this matters to you…but I read your thoughts on your previous donation.if this is gonna happen again..I think it will be to someone you can feel wonderful about..maybe? Or is that just my own hope? .
    Read more: Why do Mormons believe that they should have lots of kids? | Answerbag

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